I. R.

I've been chucked a meme from Kate at Pandora's Blog.

So here we go.

Seven Things to do Before I Croak

1. Have my own mini-library complete with leather armchair and brandy decanter.
2. Visit San Francisco.
3. Write at least 1 book (and have it in my library).
4. Grow a Zapata moustache.
5. Become a rock god.
6. Learn to speak French properly.
7. Destroy Clarkson. Destroy him utterly.

Seven Things I Cannot do

1. Get on a plane without large quantities of valium. I'm a bit like Mr T.
2. Go a day without coffee.
3. Do the moves to 'YMCA' properly.
4. Menstruate.
5. Eat cucumber without a feeling of mild nausea.
6. Listen to Robbie Williams' 'Angels' without a feeling of mild nausea.
7. Believe in a god. The existence of Clarkson and Williams is sufficient evidence of God's non-existence. Although this also raises problems for the theory of evolution.

Seven Things That Attract me t' Girlfriend

Sorry, I am not doing this bit. It would be yucky and wrong. I do quite like her funny accent, but that's all you're getting.

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. What?
2. Right.
3. Hang on.
4. Yeah.
5. Err.
6. Motherfucker.
7. Sorry, I'm taken.

Seven Books That I Love

1. The Great Gatsby.
2. Tristram Shandy.
3. Phillip Pullman (none of your Harry Potter shite).
4. Peter and Jane, Series 3 (Intermediate level).
5. Iain Bank's 'Culture' novels.
6. For Whom the Bell Tolls.
7. See Spot Run.

Seven Movies I Love

1. Near Dark (vampires driving around in a camper-van - better than it sounds).
2. Fight Club (save us from Swedish furniture).
3. Dawn of the Dead (mmmm).
4. Withnail and I (as long as you don't watch it with some film-bore banging on about how fucking great it is or, worse, quoting chunks of it).
5. How to get Ahead in Advertising.
6. Angel Heart (delightfully horrible).
7. Police Academy 5 - Assignment: Miami Beach (perhaps the finest film ever made).

Seven People I Want to Join in

If you don't mind, I don't think I'll nominate anyone. If someone with a blog would like to be kicked this meme however, I'll happily oblige.