Thursday, October 20, 2005

Tory Vermin

I've been too easy on Tories recently - on and off blog. Time to harden up a little I think. As of today, I'm going to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt (there but for the grace of God etc) and stop being polite to them - unless I really have to be (occasionally I have the misfortune of having to teach one).

Let's face it, these 'people' are selfish, stupid, unimaginative, xenophobic, nationalist, unsympathetic, uncaring, acquisitive, suspicious, racist, joyless, greedy, narrow-minded, overwhelmingly public school educated and they all have that stupid look on their pudgy faces - you know, the unmistakable smarmy look of a Toryboy/Torygirl.

That's just a short list, by the way.

Tories can be divided into two categories in my experience:

First there are the outgoing ones with that braying, over-confident, high-volume way of speaking - like they desperately want everyone within a 2 mile radius to know just what a dickhead they are. They are usually thick as pigshit, but at least possess relatively advanced social skills (in terms of dealing with their own species at least). Usually these are the ones that 'get on' in life and become city traders or management consultants - or take up some other similarly worthless pursuit. They are smug, self-satisfied, disciples of Mammon. They don't like to think (there's little money in it).

Then there are the anti-social, obsessive, hate-fuelled ones - many wear that stupid little pound Sterling symbol badge on their lapels. They are the lowest of the low. They have badly developed social skills. They are driven by a venomous hatred of foreigners, the EU, immigrants, 'scroungers', single mothers, gays, the French, the Germans, 'red tape' etc, etc. These ones are often small businessmen (and the Tories in this category are mostly men), bean-counters or employed in some other line of work in which misanthropy, piggy eyes and sweaty palms aren't too much of a drawback.

Unfortunately, Tories are very much in the news at the moment. On the positive side, however, they appear to be fighting amongst themselves like starving rats in a sack - there is, then, some small pleasure to be had here. Apparently some obese bloke who makes a very comfortable living out of flogging fags to poor people has been chucked out of the contest. A sinister, right-wing fruitloop (who is, frighteningly, a GP) was chucked out today. Which leaves us with a thuggish, uncharismatic thicko (he'll probably get the Tory shires jackboot vote) and a chubby-cheeked, Etonian posho 'charmer' (the uber-Toryboy and darling of the braying Hooray-Henry/Henrietta wing of the party).

I don't know which one I despise the most. It's a genuine dilemma.



I am willing to make two exceptions here - there are, that is, 2 Tories who are not quite as scummy and vermin-like as their peers. They are - Matthew Parris and Michael Portillo.

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